Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
