see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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