Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
