dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
