I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
