I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think I am morally bankrupt
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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