Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
