wakey wakey hands off snakey
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
