Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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