she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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