the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Someone signed my nipple.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
