Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
