I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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