I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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