he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
