your thong is hanging out like whoa
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
