i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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