Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
