i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
