I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
