Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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