living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
