Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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