Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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