No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
