Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
