A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i was born a porn star she said
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
