if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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