so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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