i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
