I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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