youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
false alarm, still single
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
