i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
