I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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