How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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