While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
