TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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