Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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