hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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