I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
