we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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