Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
