OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
