Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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