i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i drank out of a bidet.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
