Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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