To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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