I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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