Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
