girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
