hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
